


Super Mario Bros. - Pride, Prejudice and Koopa Troopas

by p4ratchet



Series: Smash Vault [2]
Category: Nintendo, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen, Super Mario Bros., Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Gen, Mushroom Kingdom, Nintendo - Freeform, Smash Vault, super smash bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 05:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3924628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/p4ratchet/pseuds/p4ratchet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Mushroom Kingdom isn't the most likely place for such accomplished minds as Princess Peach and Toadette to find a worthy match, let alone one for love. But when the World 5 Castle becomes occupied and the indomitable Bowser their lives are changed forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Super Mario Bros. - Pride, Prejudice and Koopa Troopas

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any man of considerable fortune must be in want of a wife and the imminent sale of World 5 Castle was enough to put the Mushroom Kingdom into much consternation.  
“Lakitu is his name I believe, and 20,000 coins a year! He would be a fine match for any of our young ladies wouldn’t you say young master Toad.” A genial grimace was returned to the exclamation as Toad returned to his books. “Ah yes you simply have to visit the gentleman upon his arrival tomorrow, our Toadette is uncommonly pretty, we simply cannot have her snubbed a second time.” Toadsworth shuddered at the recent debacle including a distant relation of his marrying the insurmountably plain Birdo from Subcon House. “Even thinking about that mess sends my nerves all asunder; you must make his acquaintance or else I fear I shall never leave this estate on account of my ailments.”  
The swoon that accompanied this remark was noted by Toad and he declared he would not be visiting the gentleman and that if any relationship was to happen he would not be forced out of his way to do so. This produced the desired effect in his partner and Toadsworth bemoaned to the whole estate while he was safe in the knowledge that the introduction was already set for the following morning. He of course wanted nothing better than to see his wards matched off happily, however while he agreed that Toadette was remarkably pretty, his favourite ward was most definitely Princess Peach whose intellect gave her a vivacity that made her a cut above the rest.  
Thus the introduction was made and Toad enjoyed the surprise from all when he related the news to the homestead almost as much as the faux pas of Toadsworth’s fainting fit. As these matters commonly pan out, it wasn’t long until the new landlord of World 5 brought the neighbourhood together for a ball, one which the tenants of the Mushroom Kingdom most gleefully attended. The young master Lakitu was as instantaneously liked in character as his fortune was admired and it wasn’t long before he had danced with every lady in the community. However when he asked Toadette to dance for a second time it seemed his affections were set and Toadsworth could not contain his pride despite surmounting communal jealously.  
Yet as happy an occurrence as this became it was the young master’s friend who caused the most commotion among the guests that evening. Bowser was his name, and can you believe 100,000 coins a year with a property empire to boot. This was almost enough to overwhelm everybody until it was quickly pronounced that he was the rudest gentleman to have ever been encountered. His pride was detestable and he remained the only gentleman in the room to refuse to dance with any of the young ladies, many of which were without a partner between routines. Even poor Princess Peach was scorned by his inscrutable snobbery.  
“Come my good Bowser, there are plenty of ladies to dance with, many of which are uncommonly pretty,” his amiable friend intimated as he ended yet another dance with the rosy cheeked Toadette.  
“You are dancing with the only pretty girl in the room,” Bowser replied as he followed his friend’s eyes trail back across to his partner.  
“What about her sister, she has not danced these last two dances and she is most handsome.”  
“She is tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt me,” was the reply. As Lakitu returned to his lady of choice, Peach simply laughed at the conversation that occurred within inches of her hearing, and revelled in the opportunity to retell of the man’s most ridiculous arrogance throughout the evening with the most vivacious satire she could muster. However Bowser did not succumb to this social scorn until Peach was offered a hand to dance by a moustachioed man wearing a red cap. This prompted Bowser to leave the room and he was not seen nor missed for the remainder of the evening.  
The young gentleman’s name was Mario. He and his brother Luigi were stationed in the neighbourhood for an indefinite time, completely at the service of anybody whose pipe had given way to the Piranha Plants. The plumbers were soon declared to be the two most genial characters to ever grace the Mushroom Kingdom and their work became a comfort to the lives of everyone. They all but eclipsed the pride of Bowser, which was now fixed as indomitable as his upcoming agreeable departure from their lives.  
Peach discovered she had a great rapport with Mario which was only strengthened through the discovery that they both held a dislike for this most infamous gentleman, the said gentleman having formed the habit of gazing at Peach at subsequent balls since the slight in World 5.  
“Bowser had been like a brother to me and Luigi” Mario recalled. “I dare-say his father loved us all equally, mine having regrettably succumbed to a Magikoopa. Yet Bowser did not care much for sharing his father’s affections and I am sad to inform you that once the blessed gentleman passed on we were stripped of all inheritance left for us.”  
“I am sorry to hear that, but from my experience with the man I sadly cannot feel wholly amazed he is capable of such injustice;” the Princess enjoyed indulging in the ridiculous and her sympathy was only equalled by the delight of having definitive evidence that Bowser’s pride was matched by a black heart.  
Meanwhile the affections between Toadette and Lakitu seemed to blossom all the more. Rarely did an occasion pass without the two spending every dance together or secluding themselves in close and spirited conversation. While the gentleman was most attentive to her one might have thought she herself was too reserved to return his affection with the same vigour. However it was only her modesty that presented such a front and truly her feelings equalled his. Sadly this type of intercourse was far too slow and uncertain for Toadsworth whose interest in match making often overlooked his own ward’s mind. Thus when Toadette was invited to dine at the World 5 Castle and a storm threatened to end the occasion, Toadsworth lit up with the most excellent idea he had ever mustered and sent her out on Yoshi without a carriage to protect her.  
Inevitably the Yoshi returned the following day to confirm Toadette had caught a cold and could not return for several days until it had passed. Peach could not bear the thought of her ward jeopardising Toadette’s health in such a manner and set off on foot to ensure her friend was in no immediate danger. “Five worlds on foot at this time of the morning!” exclaimed the Koopa Troopa who attended her at the door. Flushed, she ascertained Toadette was not in dangerous health and found her most graciously taken care of by her new-found lover. While the servants of the castle remarked that she must be positively wild, Bowser admired the brilliancy exercise had given to her complexion and the vivacity of spirit that exuded from her as she had defiantly entered the castle. Thus within Bowser rose a furore of passion towards the princess so strong he could no longer suppress his true feelings for her. It was decided Peach was welcome to stay the night with Toadette and a room was prepared for her.  
Sitting at her dresser the following morning penning a letter to her wards, her solicitude was abruptly broken by Bowser entering the room unexpected. A passion had betrayed itself upon entering that he quickly stifled and returning to his more composed self, began a number of silent paces back and forth across the room. Peach was about to intervene when Bowser started.  
“I have endeavoured in vain to quell my feelings but I find that despite all that I am undoubtedly and completely in love with you.”  
“I was initially resolved against this. Your relations being somewhat inappropriate I felt the match would be terribly inappropriate. And while the relationship between your partner and my good friend seemed to me an ill formed union, I cannot believe the same of yourself. I find I am repeatedly returning to your most lively complexion and the intelligence of your eyes assures me you are more than a match for me. It has been a struggle but passion has bested my better judgement and as such I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”  
All this was articulated in such an uncomfortable manner that Peach almost entirely missed the proposal at the conclusion of his oration. Bowser appeared desperate for a response and the boyhood anxiety across his face almost made the fair princess reel over in a nauseous fever. “Mr. Bowser really!” she gesticulated. Sadly this produced far from the intended effect on the man whose sudden composure betrayed knowledge that he expected nothing less than to be accepted.  
“As flattering as it may appear to have one’s relations decomposed in such a manner I would not have accepted your proposal if presented to me in any manner, praiseworthy or otherwise. However shall I begin by stating that you would believe my close friend, a sister in all but name, is not a match for your carefully selected friend? Surprised as I am by this sudden proposal I cannot believe you would have it that my sister’s abilities were not enough for someone of your acquaintance. Furthermore your treatment of the Mario Bros. cannot be forgiven or justified and anyone who must share their affections with you must always be on guard it seems for a betrayal in the midst. No Bowser I feel no remorse in refusing your request.”  
Taken aback, Bowser attempted to defend himself. “I see you would have me out as a blackguard and yet you judge me on acts that have not been told in their entirety. You are too quick to make an opinion on such things.”  
“Truly Bowser I had formed my opinion of you long before such matters came to light and you cannot expect me to think anything more of you than deceit when ill-manners have been all I’ve received since our acquaintance began.”  
“Then you have utterly misinterpreted my intentions”  
“I find it hard to call loathing and disdain for myself and my family as misinterpreting your intentions.”  
“Then am I to believe on these grounds that you refuse my proposal.”  
“I whole heartedly refuse your proposal on the grounds that you are the person I am least likely to accept in all my acquaintance.”  
Bowser stood stunned for the moment, unable to entirely mask the mortification that had taken him. All he could muster now was a curt nod before he hurriedly left the room and proceeded to vacate the premises. Peach was then left to contemplate the matter alone.  
The following day Peach awoke unsettled and rather irritable. Bowser asked for her hand, of all the men she knew him. And yet how could he think to be successful in such a proposal. Her dislike for the Koopa raged through her body and she only managed to keep her composure with Toadette, whose health had greatly improved overnight. This brought comfort to her but the mortification she felt from the events of yesterday still weighed heavily on her mind, preventing her from sharing the event with her most trusted companion. Thus when Toadette asked her if she was in health herself she declared all she needed was some fresh air and proceeded to take a walk over the estate. She did not expect however to be brought face to face with Bowser again so soon, as she opened the front door to his visage. Her surprise afforded him a moment to hand her a letter addressed to her, bow curtly and then quickly disappear down the nearest pipe.  
The letter detailed much. His concern of the match between Toadette and Lakitu he admitted was ill-conceived on his behalf. He had believed with her family’s monetary situation that she was being pressured to marry in order to attain wealth from the match and his cautiousness was only to prevent his friend falling to a similar fate that others of his acquaintance had. He apologised profusely for having supposed Toadette’s modesty were ingenuous affections and after the encounter of the morning before (which he assured her was a matter of the past) agreed the match was the most suitable of any he’d ever known. Peach sensed his sincerity but could not comprehend how he could come to such a rash conclusion after witnessing the intimacy between their close friends. Annoyed further, she endeavoured to continue.  
As regards to the Mario Bros. he had this to say: “As for the more weighty accusation in regards to the two brothers, I do not know what I am accused of and yet I shall endeavour to tell you my family history with them in the hope my name shall be in part cleared of any ill associations. Their father had taken care of the World 8 estate and my father became a godfather to them both, the two being very pleasant, attentive young boys. Our fathers’ deaths however followed swiftly on from one another and, as their father could not support them fully, my father had stipulated that I would provide for them in a career of their choosing. Sadly they took the provisions I had to offer and spent them on idleness and diversions. However due to an incident involving a close friend of mine, I learnt their true nature and, once I had prevented this friend from being tricked into marrying Mario, I cut all ties with the brothers who had depended on me and yet who spoke with such violent abuse against my character. I do not blame you this scorn of me however, for why would you think ill of the brothers? Detection could not be in your power, and suspicion certainly not in your inclination.”  
Following this he wished her well and signed off the letter. Peach was stunned. She could not believe in the evils these brothers had supposedly committed. And yet the readiness Mario displayed in divulging his scorn of the man suddenly began to resonate within her. And certainly the career path they had chosen gave way to much more frivolity than hard, honest work. She sat on the castle steps and analysed her relationship with Mario to find any concrete proof that his character was not as she had believed it to be. She felt as if a mask had been cast over his face in her memory and while it unsettled her she could not decide entirely on either side of the story and sat in silent revelry for at least half an hour, re-reading the letter again and again finding more credibility and less irritation on every subsequent read through. However she was never meant to decide this matter for herself.  
She suddenly found herself unable to see, the world around her whisked away by a hard duffel bag. All she did witness was the green cap of a man as he quickly removed her from World 5 towards she did not know where.  
Now due to the excitement of the previous two days, Peach never sent her letter to her guardians explaining where she had gone to the prior morning. And while Toad had enough sense to recognise that his ward had gone to check on her sister, Toadsworth stormed the neighbourhood with the news that the Princess had gone missing. He related this news to anyone who could listen and was entirely at liberty to do so, as Toad had dismissed his whims by stowing himself away into his library. Thus when Toadsworth found Mario and pleaded with him to find Peach, the plumber assured him that she would be found. Always one to glorify the quickest means of productivity which required the least effort from himself, Mario thought he could make him and Luigi the heroes of the hour by strolling down to World 5 and most likely finding her there. It was when they saw Bowser hand Peach that letter when a plan really began to develop in Mario’s mind.  
I wish this story could end in favour of the potential lovers, yet this is often not the case within our own lives either. Mario is still a hero to the people today; his act never being discovered after he dumped and proceeded to rescue the Princess from the World 8 Castle. Bowser was declared an outright villain and banished from the Mushroom Kingdom along with all his known associates. Poor Toadette, heartbroken to lose her Lakitu, could not find a new suitor due to her close intimacy with a supposed criminal, much to the grief of Toadsworth and his nerves. Peach was thrust into the limelight as unwillingly as you can imagine. Cast as the damsel in distress she never managed to persuade the world who the real villains of this piece were. However fortunately while Bowser never truly kidnapped her to begin with, it was perceived he had done and would always do; the people of the Mushroom Kingdom choosing to believe in the most fantasised story. Thus while Mario made a show about saving her the two gained an intimacy they never quite had before. While love could never blossom wholly due to the nature of their forced relations they were, I dare say, at their happiest when Bowser succumbed to his unwanted role and began to kidnap her for real.

The End


End file.
